Anyway, I spent the better part of the last half year writing history pieces for other sites, but somehow, deep down in the pit of my stomach, I yearned to break free and broaden my writing horizons. This "feeling" unfortunately turned out to be advanced pulmonary respiratory illness, but alas that's life. One that apparently won't last much longer, but hey, whatever. In closing, I'd like to say my ultimate long-term goal here online is to become the Kato Kaelin of the IWC, respectively living in the guest houses of all the writers and readers, eating your food, drinking your booze and in turn turning a blind eye to any nefarious acts that may or may not transpire. And for the record, I'm not above disposing of any bloody gloves and/or evidence of any nature; Call me a team player! Just don't call me to the witness stand. Because I may fold under questioning.

Anyhoo, enough babbling, let's get to the good shit:

Here's my Two Cents on the Wrestling Landscape:

So, I "ordered" the much ballyhooed NWA TNA "one cent pay-per-view" last week, and although I have seen a handful of TNA's shows before (usually replays), I *tried* to give this federation the benefit of the doubt in the event this would finally be the thing that hooked me. But unfortunately, there is still so much more to work on. For one, all workrate aside, it's kind of hard to suspend disbelief for a "World Champion" who sounds like he spent the better part of his life working at a Gas Station in Mobile. HHH he's not. But maybe he could be. I just imagine instead of a water bottle, he'd carry a jug with three x's on the side. And like Trips, Triple J would also try to get ahead by screwing the boss's daughter... who'd of course, in this case, be his sister. Since, well, Daddy runs the company and all. But since they're based out of the south and all, that may not be such a farfetched idea. Hee-haw.

 

 Also, another issue for me is the fact that Vince Russo, a NON-WRESTLER, is 2/3 taller than everyone on the roster. This *kind of* made credibility a wee bit difficult. Call me crazy. The only thing more damaging at this point would be if Vinnie Ru was seen swatting airplanes away as he climbed to the top of the "Asylum's" rafters.  But hey, that'd involve them actually charging people money for fucking tickets to pay for said airplanes, so, umm, never mind.

That said, the fact that Sting and Sean "I'll eat that if you don't want it, HHH" Waltman were even featured on the show when neither work for the promotion anymore is beyond me. I don't know, maybe showcase the stars I'll be paying to watch next week? Hmm? In a related note, at least judging by the footage I just watched, The Stinger has recently given birth to a twelve pound spare tire since his departure (Rapture?) from WCW. I had no idea Communion wafers were so high in calories. Who knew?

Other than that though, I enjoyed the actual product itself. It can be a little spottier than your grandmother's disgusting mottled arms at times, but solid nonetheless. AJ Styles and AMW impressed me very much. As did Raven, who has in 6 months proven that Brian Gerwirtz, Big Steph and company need to commit collective booking hara-kiri for ever letting this guy slip through their fat fingers.  Normally, rather than Hara Kari I'd just suggest them putting a gun to their heads, but after they fired they'd probably just shrug their shoulders, patch the completely clean hole on the other side of their skull, and immediately get right back to writing some of the best TV you've never seen in your life. So why bother?

One thing I was NOT impressed with though is the aforementioned Jeff Jarrett. First and foremost, it's hard to buy him as "country tough" when his street clothes suggest he's been spending far more time dancing in a giant bird cage than kicking ass in the ring.  I mean, really. Would you have *bought* Stone Cold had he word a paisley shirt, or salmon pink slacks? I mean, seriously. The only "ass" he'd be whoopin' would the literal one being smacked by his swaying nutsack in the throws of wanton homosexual passion. Live with that visual.

Jarrett's a solid wrestler, sure, but sadly, when your own fan base in your own company cheers when you lose... maybe, just maybe, you're not cut out for top babyface material. Just saying. I mean, The IWC community shits on Triple H for winning against all odds, but even I don't remember The H's ever getting hit with a baseball bat three times in one match  and still coming back to win. Mostly because Triple H doesn't let anybody get that much offense in, before pinning them 45 seconds later after a Pedigree, but hey, my point stands. Whatever it was.

-Speaking of HHH, The IWC has been really getting on his case lately for not showing enough 'ass' in his feud with Goldberg. But maybe that's for the best. I don't know if my stomach could take seeing all the Creative team's heads lodged up there.

But seriously, is there anything the WWE does that surprises you anymore?  Yet, here we stay. We've become comparable to that wife who gets the shit beat of her by her abusive husband time and time again, but then always says, "He's changed now, he'll be different".  But hey, wee should have seen this all coming. I mean would you ever expect a guy with an Iron Cross on his tights to cleanly put over a Jew? And hey, don't even get me started on that Elimination Chamber. Note to Goldberg. That ain't pyro smoke in there! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.