THE "A"
STANDS FOR ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT...
Guess who's
rumored to be playing Captain America? Don't know?
Well, it'd be coooooler if ya did... because, the
big rumor out of Tinsel-town right now is
that the announced 2011 adaptation of CAPTAIN AMERICA, just may
star good ole Wooderson himself, Matthew McConaughey! And I
say, why not? He wouldn't even need
the Serum. You could just light him a
big fat red white and blue bowl, and he'd
become just as impervious to injury. And if not?
Well, he won't remember shit come morning
anyway. I'm telling you, it'd save the
government MILLIONS. Ok, tens of thousands.
There'd likely stilly be a huge grant needed to
cover all the bags of Funyons and
raw cookie-dough required to maintain Caps'
sustenance.
Seriously though, the
thought of a laid-back slacker pot-head
playing the completely straight-laced,
no-nonsense poster boy of Americana brings me
nothing but joy. And not just because I'm also
high, and everything right now brings me joy. Not
even. And not just because half the
movie would feature the rest of the Avengers
desperately trying to get Caps out of bed
before 3pm and then getting furious when he
trades in his suit and shield for a pair of
Bongos and a fucking Hemp necklace, all while
he uses Iron Man's suit power-reserve to host
his grow room. From there, the other half
of the movie is just him no-showing a
final showdown against the Nazi's so he can
petition congress to legalize Marijuana. It's a
recipe for success! A recipe that contains two
parts brownies and two parts pot, and equal parts
SWEET FUCKING HIGH. But the best part of the
whole debacle would definitely be the
potential dialogue. Trust me. Just
look:
Captain
America: "You know what I like about
this Super Soldier Serum, man? They keep gettin'
older, but I keep stayin' the same
age..."
This shit
writes itself. I'm telling
you.
So, here's to Matthew McConaughey as
Captain America! Now all we have to do is get
Woody Harrelson cast as Red Skull, and the cycle
will be complete. The whole movie can culminate in
them just putting aside that whole "Freedom vs.
Tyranny thing", splitting some Acapulco Gold
while sitting on the sofa in big assed
Bermuda shorts, eating Cheetoes, staring at their
hands and laughing, and having conversations that
they'll never ever remember having. Conversations
like
THIS:
Captain America:
"So, why do they call you, Red
Skull, Red
Skull?"
Red
Skull: "Duuude, I think it's 'cause I
got a Red
Skull."
Captain
America: "That's cooool. Have you ever
thought about that, man? I mean, really thought
about it? You got a Red Skull, and they call
you Red Skull? Imagine how all awkward that'd be
if you're skull wan'nt red? People'd get all
confused and shit and be all saying, this whole
thing'd make waaaayyy more sense if his skull was
the right color. It's totally cool, really
when you really, really think about
it".
Red
Skull: "That's so true, man. Hahaha.
Soooo, true. Red Skull. And I got a red
skull. I'm just lucky, I
guess."
Captain
America: "You're telling me. So,
tell me, man, why do they call you Red
Skull
anyway?"...
Tell me you
wouldn't watch this
movie.
I'm
Sean.
And my
judgment can't be trusted. Because I also want
Jason Mewes cast as Thor, and Kevin Smith cast as
ANYBODY. If I have my way, the entire Avenger's
headquarters will be smokier than a fucking
Turkish Bath house. Plus, when the Authorities get
tipped off, they can just all give their Stash to
Ant-Man, and he can shrink that shit down 'til the
smoke (HIYO) clears. And I'll love every fucking
minute of it. Mostly because my diminished
capacity will insist on
it.
