Hey, when you're completely bored out of your mind and have nothing better to do, what's a better way to fill that time than filling out a painfully tedious My Space-style survey? Oh that's right, ANYTHING. Ahem. Anyhoo, I just felt like being a retard, hence the following answers. Yup.

Name:
Sean Carless. But my friends call me...asshole? Sometimes. A lot. Seriously.

Single or Taken:
Taken where? I'm up for anything.

Happy about that:
Yes, I'm ecstatic I can't have sex whenever I want! Hey wait.

Siblings:
In my Cellar. Decomposing in lime.

Eye color:
Red. There's a few reasons for this. Ahem.

Shoe size:
12~! You know what they say about guys with big feet, right? Their shoes are like enormous! That's right. I'm not giving you anything.

Can you make a dollar in change:
Yes. As it turns out, I'm not retarded!

Best place to go for a date:
standing in the bushes with a ski mask! Err, I mean "The movies".

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FAVORITES

Kind of pants:
I tend to wear the kind with two legs.

Lucky Number:
Slevin

Animal:
Batista, definitely.

Sport:
Hunting Human Beings. Saw 'Surviving The Game' and it just made sense! If the homeless always showed this kind of resolve they wouldn't be homeless! Get your head in the game!

Months:
March

Juice:
He didn't do it! He was framed!
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Have You Ever...

Given anyone a bath:
Nah. You can clean your own asshole. Thanks.

Bungee Jumped:
Almost. A Bungee would have made it better. Definitely.

Eaten a dog:
There was this one girl back in high school...

Been in a physical fight:
Physical fight? No. I use my telekinetic powers instead.

Been on a plane:
Yes. But only to unload a crate of snakes. I started it all.

Been in a hot tub:
I farted in a pool once. Does that count?

Been in the ocean:
Not voluntarily. That'll teach me to not pay my debts!

Fallen asleep in school:
Yes. And I got arrested. Something about me being "30", and it not being a "shelter". Assholes.

Ran away:
Just from responsibility. Har.

Broken someone's heart:
I sure hope so. And if not, I'll punch harder next time.

Cried in school:
Yes. But that's because I sat on my balls in Gym class once.

Saved AIM conversations:
I have. I derive column material from various convos (seriously).

Saved E-mails:
I'm almost ashamed to admit I haven't erased one email in two years that didn't have an ad for enlarging my penis. (it's still the same size! Liars!)

Been cheated on:
Yes. And just a heads up. I only dug up my backyard because I'm an avid gardener. That's it. Really. All Perennials are rooted six feet deep. That's how gardening works! Stop judging me!

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What is...

Your good luck charm:
I once had a lucky rabbit's foot. Then it dawned on me that if the Rabbit was really lucky, this foot would still be attached to his body.

What is beside you:
Jesus. And what a kidder!

Last thing you ate:
The souls of the innocent.


Ever Had...

Sore Throat:
Yup. Turns out I am susceptible to basic human ailments. Who knew?

Stitches:
Yes. I had myself completely taxidermied in 1996.

Broken nose:
No, actually. My nose is glorious and straight. Just like me.

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Do You...

Believe in love at first sight:
Yes. I see women I could love all the time. The trouble is catching them.

Long distance relationships:
All my relationships are long distance relationships! As soon as we have sex, I usually get as far the fuck away from them as possible!

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Question:

Who was the last person that called you :
Jehovah. Something about building an Ark. I can't remember. Couldn't have been too important.

Who makes you smile the most:
The Down's Syndrome kid who lives next door.

Who knows best:
Hogan. Clearly.

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Do you like yourself:
Nah. We had a falling out. We don't talk anymore.

Do you get along with your family:
Yes. But just long enough to ensure I get presents.

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Are You...

Obsessive Compulsive:
I'm compelled to say yes here out of an irrational fear that something could go wrong if I say no....
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Final Questions:

What are you listening to right now:
The melodic sound of my 15 year old Air conditioner.

Gotten any awards:
Yes~! I'm a 4 time Readers choice winner, and reigning holder of the prestigious GOLDEN TENAY. Pry it from my dead hands, motherfuckers.

What car/truck do you wish to have:
Yours. Gooched.

Where do you want to get married:
VEGAS. If I'm not getting married by an Elvis Impersonator, I just may lose faith in this whole crazy 'getting hitched' thing.

Good Singer:
I sing with the best of them. They just won't admit it. Or let me come back.

Are you double jointed:
Yes, I can smoke two at once , easy.

What do you dream about:
It usually involves nudity.

Scary or Funny Movies:
Both. I saw White Chicks the other day. Scariest shit I ever saw...

Chocolate or Vanilla:
Chocolate. I like stuff that actually has flavor.

Rootbeer or Dr. Pepper:
Neither. Who drinks Dr. Pepper anymore? What is this 1985? What, you run out of fucking Tab?

Skiing or Boarding:
Skiing. I was the one who told Sonny Bono "Hey, man, I got this great hill you should try." Sucker.

Summer or Winter:
What's a "summer"? I've only heard legends.

Silver or Gold:
Gold. That's like asking which is better, one hundred dollars or two hundred. Which is worth more?

Coffee or tea:
Neither. I still find it hard to believe that someone originally found some dried up leaves or beans and said, "You know what we should do? Throw this shit in some hot water!"

Phone or in person:
In person. Big Brother is watching.

Are you oldest, middle or youngest:
Oldest.

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Today did you...

Talk to someone you liked:
Yes. Turns out I like to talk to people I actually like. Call me crazy.

Bought something:
Your dignity.

Miss someone:
Just barely. I'll aim better next time.

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Last person who....

Slept in your bed:
I hope it was me.

Went to the movies with:
a Trenchcoat and no pants.

Said "I Love You":
My Mom. She thinks I'm "special". Who am I to doubt the validity of this statement?

Ever been in a fight with your pet:
Sure. And boy can't he take a punch. The pussy.

Been to China:
Only every time I'm in Toronto! HIYO (Go there sometime, you'll see).

Been to Mexico:
Nah. The way I figure it, if dudes are going to all this trouble to climb, hop and swim their asses all to get HERE, then maybe it's not worth it.

Been to Canada:
I love Canada! That's where I keep all my stuff!

Been to Europe:
I'd like to. I'm huge in Europe.
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Random.....

Do you have a crush on someone right now?
There's a few people I'd like to crush; does that count?

What book are you reading now?
It's not a book per se. But to give you an idea, it rhymes with "Penthouse Forums"

Best feeling in the world:
Boobies. Turns out they don't feel like bags of sand after all. Damn you Steve Carell!

Future KIDS names:
The Seanatron 3000.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:
How dare you call her that!


What's under your bed:
a trap door.

Favorite Locations:
My groin.

Who do you really hate:
You. Sorry. It's true.

Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with?
Who hasn't?

Are you lonely right now:
Way to rub it in. Dick.

Song that's stuck in your head right now?
Haha. BATDANCE. That shit still rocks and I'll take on anyone who says otherwise.

Have you ever played strip poker:
Yes! The other people in the casino sure didn't seem to appreciate it though...

How many letters does your "love" have in his name?
His? What are you implying? How dare you out me. Or worse yet, insinuate this quiz was directed at women....

Have you ever been on radio/TV:
Yes. I had my own Radio show. You may have never heard it sometime.

Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you:
No. I always wear Hawaiian shirts. Makes that kind of hard.
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Random...

Your Favorite Food:
Hamburgers. I eat meat. I eat Cows. If God wanted them to not be eaten, he'd have made them fast. That's how I know what not to eat. If it can run away, then damn it, it's not food. This is also why I eat the paralyzed. I don't make the rules.

Ever get so drunk you don't remember:
No. But that's a pretty fucking great excuse. Consider it stolen.

Hair color:
Light Brown.

Hugs or Kisses:
If it ends up with me pantless, either/or~!

How many pillows do you sleep with:
6! I'm a greedy mo'fo

What are you missing right now:

The 30 minutes I lost writing this Survey. Dear God, man.