COMPLETING
A MY SPACE SURVEY.
Or How To Waste 30
Minutes Of Your Life, That, Hey, You're Not Doing
Anything Productive With Anyway, But
Whatever...
Hey, when you're completely bored out of your
mind and have nothing better to do, what's a
better way to fill that time than filling out a
painfully tedious My Space-style survey? Oh that's
right, ANYTHING. Ahem. Anyhoo, I just felt like
being a retard, hence the following answers.
Yup.
Name:
Sean Carless. But my
friends call me...asshole? Sometimes. A
lot. Seriously.
Single or
Taken:
Taken where? I'm up for
anything.
Happy about that:
Yes,
I'm ecstatic I can't have sex whenever I want! Hey
wait.
Siblings:
In my Cellar.
Decomposing in lime.
Eye
color:
Red. There's a few reasons for this.
Ahem.
Shoe size:
12~! You know
what they say about guys with big feet, right?
Their shoes are like enormous! That's right. I'm
not giving you anything.
Can you make a
dollar in change:
Yes. As it turns out, I'm
not retarded!
Best place to go for a
date:
standing in the bushes with a ski
mask! Err, I mean "The
movies".
-----------------------------------------------------------
FAVORITES
Kind
of pants:
I tend to wear the kind with two
legs.
Lucky
Number:
Slevin
Animal:
Batista,
definitely.
Sport:
Hunting Human Beings. Saw
'Surviving The Game' and it just made sense! If
the homeless always showed this kind of resolve
they wouldn't be homeless! Get your head in the
game!
Months:
March
Juice:
He
didn't do it! He was
framed!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Have You
Ever...
Given anyone a
bath:
Nah. You can clean your own asshole.
Thanks.
Bungee Jumped:
Almost. A
Bungee would have made it better.
Definitely.
Eaten a dog:
There
was this one girl back in high
school...
Been in a physical
fight:
Physical fight? No. I use my
telekinetic powers instead.
Been on a
plane:
Yes. But only to unload a crate of
snakes. I started it all.
Been in a hot
tub:
I farted in a pool once. Does that
count?
Been in the ocean:
Not
voluntarily. That'll teach me to not pay my
debts!
Fallen asleep in
school:
Yes. And I got arrested. Something
about me being "30", and it not being a "shelter".
Assholes.
Ran away:
Just from
responsibility. Har.
Broken someone's
heart:
I sure hope so. And if not, I'll
punch harder next time.
Cried in
school:
Yes. But that's because I sat on my
balls in Gym class once.
Saved AIM
conversations:
I have. I derive column
material from various convos
(seriously).
Saved E-mails:
I'm
almost ashamed to admit I haven't erased one email
in two years that didn't have an ad for enlarging
my penis. (it's still the same size!
Liars!)
Been cheated on:
Yes. And
just a heads up. I only dug up my backyard because
I'm an avid gardener. That's it. Really. All
Perennials are rooted six feet deep. That's how
gardening works! Stop judging
me!
--------------------------------------------------------------
What
is...
Your good luck charm:
I
once had a lucky rabbit's foot. Then it dawned on
me that if the Rabbit was really lucky, this foot
would still be attached to his
body.
What is beside you:
Jesus.
And what a kidder!
Last thing you
ate:
The souls of the
innocent.
Ever
Had...
Sore Throat:
Yup.
Turns out I am susceptible to basic human
ailments. Who
knew?
Stitches:
Yes. I had myself
completely taxidermied in 1996.
Broken
nose:
No, actually. My nose is glorious and
straight. Just like
me.
----------------------------------------
Do
You...
Believe in love at first
sight:
Yes. I see women I could love all
the time. The trouble is catching
them.
Long distance
relationships:
All my relationships are
long distance relationships! As soon as we have
sex, I usually get as far the fuck away from them
as
possible!
----------------------------------------
Question:
Who
was the last person that called you
:
Jehovah. Something about building an Ark.
I can't remember. Couldn't have been too
important.
Who makes you smile the
most:
The Down's Syndrome kid who lives
next door.
Who knows
best:
Hogan.
Clearly.
-------------------------------------
Do
you like yourself:
Nah. We had a falling
out. We don't talk anymore.
Do you get
along with your family:
Yes. But just long
enough to ensure I get
presents.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Are
You...
Obsessive
Compulsive:
I'm compelled to say yes here
out of an irrational fear that something could go
wrong if I say
no....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Final
Questions:
What are you listening to
right now:
The melodic sound of my 15 year
old Air conditioner.
Gotten any
awards:
Yes~! I'm a 4 time Readers
choice winner, and reigning holder of the
prestigious GOLDEN TENAY. Pry it from my dead
hands, motherfuckers.
What car/truck do
you wish to have:
Yours.
Gooched.
Where do you want to get
married:
VEGAS. If I'm not getting married
by an Elvis Impersonator, I just may lose faith in
this whole crazy 'getting hitched'
thing.
Good Singer:
I sing with
the best of them. They just won't admit it. Or let
me come back.
Are you double
jointed:
Yes, I can smoke two at once ,
easy.
What do you dream about:
It
usually involves nudity.
Scary or Funny
Movies:
Both. I saw White Chicks the other
day. Scariest shit I ever
saw...
Chocolate or
Vanilla:
Chocolate. I like stuff that
actually has flavor.
Rootbeer or Dr.
Pepper:
Neither. Who drinks Dr. Pepper
anymore? What is this 1985? What, you run out of
fucking Tab?
Skiing or
Boarding:
Skiing. I was the one who told
Sonny Bono "Hey, man, I got this great hill you
should try." Sucker.
Summer or
Winter:
What's a "summer"? I've only heard
legends.
Silver or Gold:
Gold.
That's like asking which is better, one hundred
dollars or two hundred. Which is worth
more?
Coffee or tea:
Neither. I
still find it hard to believe that someone
originally found some dried up leaves or beans and
said, "You know what we should do? Throw this shit
in some hot water!"
Phone or in
person:
In person. Big Brother is
watching.
Are you oldest, middle or
youngest:
Oldest.
------------------------------------------------------
Today did
you...
Talk to someone you
liked:
Yes. Turns out I like to talk to
people I actually like. Call me
crazy.
Bought something:
Your
dignity.
Miss someone:
Just
barely. I'll aim better next
time.
___________________________________________________
Last
person who....
Slept in your
bed:
I hope it was me.
Went to
the movies with:
a Trenchcoat and no
pants.
Said "I Love You":
My Mom.
She thinks I'm "special". Who am I to doubt the
validity of this statement?
Ever been in
a fight with your pet:
Sure. And boy can't
he take a punch. The pussy.
Been to
China:
Only every time I'm in Toronto! HIYO
(Go there sometime, you'll see).
Been to
Mexico:
Nah. The way I figure it, if dudes
are going to all this trouble to climb, hop and
swim their asses all to get HERE, then maybe it's
not worth it.
Been to Canada:
I
love Canada! That's where I keep all my
stuff!
Been to Europe:
I'd like
to. I'm huge in
Europe.
__________________________________________________
Random.....
Do
you have a crush on someone right
now?
There's a few people I'd like to
crush; does that count?
What book are
you reading now?
It's not a book per se.
But to give you an idea, it rhymes with "Penthouse
Forums"
Best feeling in the
world:
Boobies. Turns out they don't feel
like bags of sand after all. Damn you Steve
Carell!
Future KIDS names:
The
Seanatron 3000.
Do you sleep with a
stuffed animal:
How dare you call her
that!
What's under your
bed:
a trap door.
Favorite
Locations:
My groin.
Who do you
really hate:
You. Sorry. It's
true.
Have you ever liked someone you
didn't have a chance with?
Who hasn't?
Are you lonely right now:
Way to
rub it in. Dick.
Song that's stuck in
your head right now?
Haha. BATDANCE. That
shit still rocks and I'll take on anyone who says
otherwise.
Have you ever played strip
poker:
Yes! The other people in the casino
sure didn't seem to appreciate it
though...
How many letters does your
"love" have in his name?
His? What are you
implying? How dare you out me. Or worse yet,
insinuate this quiz was directed at
women....
Have you ever been on
radio/TV:
Yes. I had my own Radio show. You
may have never heard it sometime.
Ever
liked someone, but thought they never noticed
you:
No. I always wear Hawaiian shirts.
Makes that kind of
hard.
________________________________________________
Random...
Your
Favorite Food:
Hamburgers. I eat meat. I
eat Cows. If God wanted them to not be eaten, he'd
have made them fast. That's how I know what not to
eat. If it can run away, then damn it, it's not
food. This is also why I eat the paralyzed. I
don't make the rules.
Ever get so drunk
you don't remember:
No. But that's a pretty
fucking great excuse. Consider it
stolen.
Hair color:
Light
Brown.
Hugs or Kisses:
If it ends
up with me pantless, either/or~!
How
many pillows do you sleep with:
6! I'm a
greedy mo'fo
What are you missing right
now:
The 30 minutes I lost writing this
Survey. Dear God,
man.
