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[Teasers
& Links Below.
Newest content found at the Bottom of the
page].
This
is a place where you'll find all my
(almost) Non-Wrestling content. I still make fun
of everything I can get my fat little hands on,
sure, but for once, it's not at the expense of
dudes who roll around oily in their underwear.
(Not homosexuals).
Within
these archives, you'll find everything I've
penned in the Entertainment medium,
including my 2004 Pre-Episode 3 "Interview"
with George Lucas, to a couple of insanely
in-depth clusterfuck reviews of two of my
childhood passions: Transformers The Movie and GI
Joe The Movie, respectively. And holy shit, in the
latter, SOMEONE ACTUALLY GETS SHOT FOR
ONCE. The American Tax Payers doling
out Billions so Duke can
punch out a lot of people, and never just, I don't
know, unload a clip of bullets into
them, will be ecstatic! Plus, there's my
Bottom 10 cartoon/comic Adaptations ever, and
a myriad of blog-style posts on varying celebs and
the news and scandals they were and are involved
in. This may have just been a back drop to make a
lot of jokes about Britney Spears giant bald
sarlaac of a vagina, and make a bunch of lewd
references as to whom I'd like to have the "Sexual
Intercourse" with as the kids are wont to say
these days.
More
to come in the coming weeks. Reviews, More Top 10
lists and more! That's what I meant by more,
you see. And that's what they call being
redundant. Choose a teaser from below to check out
how I completely wasted an hour, with
over-scrutinizing things I will never be a part
of. You won't regret it*!
*Yes you
will.
POP CULTURE
& REVIEWS
LINKAGE~!
PARODY:
SEAN CARLESS's SITDOWN INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE
LUCAS. (10/17/04). In a TWF first, and
last, likely, I actually managed to track down
famed director/producer George Lucas and conducted
the following *Exclusive* interview at his
sprawling Skywalker Ranch, to hopefully get to the
bottom of a few of my queries! But not before he
elevated me with the awesome power of the force
alone and spiritually lifted my wallet from my
pants pocket. Click HERE to read the full "Interview".
RETRO-REVIEW: G.I. JOE THE
MOVIE! (03/04/05)
They're America's highly-trained special missions
force. Just ignore the part where they never make
actual contact with their Enemies! Join Sean
Carless as he breaks out the nostalgia time
machine for a ridiculous look at 1987's cult
classic feature film: G.I. Joe The Movie! An
Ancient race of talking Snake-men try and conquer
the earth by way of evil gardening! It makes
sense, I swear! Click
HERE to read.
PARODY: SURI CRUISE
REVEALED~! (09/10/06)
TWF *EXCLUSIVE* For months the world didn't give a
fuck, err, I mean wondered when and where the
alleged offspring of "TomKat" would be revealed to
the world, and just how long it would be before
the child denounced all forms of medication and
debunked current psychiatric practices. In any
event, Vanity Fair finally published said photos,
proving that yes, Tom Cruise has indeed made love
to a woman, at least once. Or DID THEY? Join
Sean Carless as he blows the lid of this story,
and provides alternative "photographic" proof of
the child in question! Click
HERE to read!
The Top 10 WORST Movie Adaptations
EVER! (10/19/06) Sean
Carless takes a look at the worst of the worst in
films adapted from comic books, video games, and
cartoons with The Top 10 WORST Movie Adaptations
EVER! From super hero costumes adorned with
strange rubber nipples, to He-Man hobnobbing with
Monica from Friends, just which cinematic
stinkbomb drove Sean to the brink of insanity and
ultimately came in at number one?
Click HERE to find out!
BRITNEY SPEARS' VAGINA
MONOLOGUES. (01/11/07)
A Cunt Miss Hit! Seriously, everyone gets to make
fun of her, why not me? Click
HERE for more!
PROPHYLACTIC RAPPER: (01/14/07): 50 Cent Has debuted his
*very own** line of condoms (Seriously). Something
tells me when it says magnum on the box,
it means LITERALLY. Count his bullet holes and
tell me I'm wrong. Click HERE to read the
full story.
THIS SPELLING IS
ATROCIOUS: (01/16/07)
Tori Spelling is pregnant~! I didn't even know her
species could reproduce! Click
HERE to read me make
a lot of jokes at her expense!
TWO BIRDS WITH ONE
STONER. (01/19/07) My 4
favorite things are profiled. That being two sets
of glorious giant titties. Plus celebrity Sex
tapes, a myriad of strange ethnic children and
holy shit, this is the most ambiguous teaser ever.
Click HERE to read.
PAPA'S GOTTA BRAND NEW
BAG: (01/20/07) Random
Celeb insulting plus a touching tribute to
the Godfather of Soul. GET ON UP! Ot just lie
there. Whichever. Too soon? Click
HERE to Read.
PASSION OF THE CRUISE. (01/25/07) Apparently, when they're
not avoiding the Volcanic Isle of Hawaii like the
plague, Scientologists are considering TOM CRUISE
the Jesus Christ of their religion. And well,
here's what I have to say about that. Click
HERE to read more.
SURFS UP, PANTS DOWN? AN EXPOSE INTO
THE EXPOSED GENITALIA OF SILVER
SURFER?! (01/26/07)
Join Sean Carless as he goes where no man would
ever go, unless he's from the village: the
"groinal region" of Silver Surfer! Just what's up
with Surfer's omnipresent galactic scrotum being
visible in the new Fantastic Four Movie? Your
guess is as good as ours, because Sean just makes
some stupid jokes. Hey, what'd you expect?
Click HERE to read!
SIX MORE WEEKS OF
BULLSHIT. (02/02/07)
A virtual cornucopia of stories and
well, bullshit. Posh Spice purges her own food to
feed fat models! Al Gore taps the face of Tom
Jones to save the Earth! Tyra Banks stands up for
feminism by taking off her clothes and parading
around! And I crossover to the light-side
briefly to steal and old hermit's only
outfit. Click HERE to read!
RETRO REVIEW: TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE
(1986). (07/20/07) Sean
Carless presents a *brand new* Retro-Review of the
*original* TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE! The film that
gave more small children nightmares than any film
I can remember. And that's just one reason to love
it!. Ahem. Click HERE to read!
THE SCARIEST PICTURE YOU'LL SEE
TODAY. (09/28/07)
Something tells me there might be a few needles
and tourniquets in that trunk o' hilarity. Click
HERE to read.
GAME REVIEW: SMACKDOWN VS. RAW
2008~! (11/21/07) Sean
Carless returns with a full review for THQ's
SMACKDOWN VS. RAW 2008! Now featuring CLASSIC ECW.
Tables! Fire! Fans with weapons! The terrible
awkward dancing of Kelly Kelly! Ok, maybe just the
first parts. All in all, THQ delivered a pretty
solid little game for us Rasslin' nuts! Well, so
long as you play the matches on mute. Dear God. It
ain't ballet, you know! All this, plus
Screenshots, and random Carless-esque buffoonery!
Click HERE to read!
OCEANS OF HURT: THE PLIGHT OF
AQUAMAN: THE WORLD'S MOST UNRELIABLE
SUPER-HERO. (01/05/08)
Originally written in early 2003, before everyone
and their brother jumped on the Anti-Aquaman
bandwagon, Sean Carless took a look at perhaps the
world's most unreliable Super-Hero: Aquaman! Crime
by Sea? Aquaman is the right man for the job. Umm,
everywhere else? Not so much. Click
HERE to read Sean's
quick take on one of D.C.'s most mocked and
misunderstood superheroes~!
GETTING TO KNOW
YOUR JOES: A Look At The Upcoming Live-Action
Film, And An Educational Introduction Into A
Phenomenon Greater Than You Or Anything You Could
Ever Accomplish. (03/27/08) There's a
live-action adaptation of G.I. JOE
brewing, just ignore the part where none of
the soldiers in question are old enough
to legitimately join the Military! Join me, Sean
Carless, as I break down some of the news and
rumors of this film, and question why half these
Joe's would be better off fucking body surfing on
the O.C, (JOE.C.?). From there,
I then take you back to the 80's and
break down some of the most forgettable/terrible
GI JOE figures ever! It's a huge clusterfuck of
a crash course in all things Joe!
Click HERE to check it
out!
THIS JUST IN~!: GUESS WHO'S CAPTAIN
AMERICA? (05/15/08) With all the
success of the Iron Man movie at the Box Office,
Studios are looking to adapt fellow Avenger
team-mate Captain America to the Big Screen. You
know who they have pegged to play the role? No?
Well, it'd be coooooler if ya did! Join me for a
brief (and stupid) look at the very latest on Caps
adaptation to the big screen! Click
HERE to read!
RETRO-REVIEW:
BLOODSPORT~! (07/08/08) Join me as I travel
back to 1988 to look at Jean-Claude Van Damme's
cinematic masterpiece: BLOODSPORT! Academy Award
nominee in the category of throwin' wheel kicks in
slow motion, baby! It's Frank Dux's real-life
story of competing in the Kumite! The only
tournament where after surviving death and
grievous injury, one man earns a sword and a plane
ticket back to obscurity! Sweet deal.
Click HERE to read Sean's full insane
review!
MOVIE REVIEW: FRIDAY THE
13TH (2009) (02/13/09) It's
Friday the 13th, the best feel-good
"overcoming-your disability" film since I Am Sam
and Forrest Gump! Join, I, Sean Carless, as I
breakdown the only movie franchise where not
only do teenagers keep camping on the same murder
site, they keep showing up on the same exact
day as all the past murders took place! What,
can't wait an extra week to roast
marshmallows, assholes? Holy shit. Click HERE
to read Sean's
full insane review!
PUBLIC SERVICE
ANNOUNCEMENT: MEGAN FOX HAS TOE-THUMBS. (Or How I
learned to beat a One-Note joke into the
ground.) (09/30/10) A discovery has
recently been made that could change the course of
human history--and frequent masturbation--FOREVER.
Click HERE
to
read! | | | |
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