THIS IS HOW I SPEND MY FREE
TIME...
If you've watched late night
Info-mercials as much as I have, (man cannot live
by just “Sex TV the Channel midnight Baby Blue
Movies” alone) chances are you've seen the
SLANKET® (not to be confused with direct
competitor: THE
SNUGGIE) - a multicolored blanket/ all
encompassing body coverall combination designed to
keep you warm, and keep those who once respected
you laughing vociferously at your ridiculous
plight as only your frazzled head protrudes like a
turtle from what is basically a giant potato-sack.
But holy shit, toastiness!
That said, I
recently discovered their Website where they
solicited Product Testimonials. And being the
respected journalist-cum-author-cum-often of the
highest moral standing that I am, I decided to
deliver unto them an "Internet celebrity"
Testimonial from my highly reputable person on
their fine product.
I will keep you abreast
of this situation as nothing in anyway interesting
develops! Wish me luck! (And something more
productive to do with my time…)
PRODUCT TESTIMONIAL:
Before purchasing
my SLANKET®, I was always an outcast in Wizarding
circles. I mean, sure, I had the hat, a
swank-assed beard, the big book of mischief, and
even the Staff of Ages, but still, *something* was
missing. Turns out that was pants. And a robe. But
thanks to my new SLANKET®, I’m like totally the
toast of evil magicians and purveyors of dark
mysticism everywhere! YA!
So, whether
you’re in need of a robe to cast advanced spells
entirely for revenge purposes, worship Satan, get
together with a few friends in hoods to torment
minorities, or just have a Tom Cruise/Nicole
Kidman-esque sexy naked masquerade to go to (and
who doesn’t?!), the SLANKET® will cover all your
needs. And your genitals. My lawyer insisted on
that last part.
Oh, turns out it can be
used as a blanket, too! Who
knew?!
-Sean Carless.
(Age: 32 (human years).
Timeless in wizard years.)
Journalist.
Aficionado of
sexy parties.
Wizard.
