HAPPY WORLD TOILET
DAY!
Happy World Toilet
Day! Just when I thought VOLCANO AWARENESS
DAY was the single
dumbest holiday imaginable, enter (exit?)
World Toilet Day! An overflowing celebration of
ALL things toilets world wide, filled to the brim
with everything you could ever know or care about
our porcelain pals! Both things! Because, well,
only two things really happen there. Ya, so no worries;
that hole in the ground that you shit into in
buttfuck India with 300 other diseased dudes
in your village is also being considered! No turd
receptacles are left unturned! And Dear god!
Someone has to clean that up!
So, from the deep crevices of
the woods, to varying laundry tubs
because that pesky flight of stairs is
just 30 seconds away too many, to
discreetly behind your grandmother's shed in
1998 because her door was locked and you really
had to go, and ya, don't ask, this day is
actually an equal opportunity celebration of
whatever cavernous object it is that you plunge
you discarded bounty into! How nice. And
completely revolting.
Anyway, as it
turns out, this day is sponsored and co-founded by
the WTC. And no, not the
World Trade Center . Turns
out, the only oblong object violently
crashing here into a murky eternity
is brown, peanut-laden and used to be your
dinner! Who'd have thunk it. (Or stunk it. Holy
shit puns~!)
The WTC in this case is
actually WORLD TOILET COLLEGE--an actual
reputable learning institution that offers
COURSES in all things SHIT and objects that
contain your SHIT! (Finally you can tell Dad you
crapped out at school and all laugh
about it!...all whilst having no discernable
future or prospects! Yay!).
But hey, a Shit school?
Really? I wonder what your
GPA (Grade Poop Average?) has to be to
even get in there? And I wonder if anyone is
brave enough to actually eat at that cafeteria?
All I know is, I really wanted to enroll,
(tee-hee) but it turns out I didn't have the
grades in wiping and jiggling the handle to
qualify. Oh well. And here I was really looking
forward to the Dean handing me my diploma from a
mounted dispenser. What can you do? Enroll in
a school whose exams don't involve taking your
pants off first and squatting? Maybe.
So,
HAPPY WORLD TOILET DAY
EVERYBODY~! And to close the lid on this
great day, here's some photos of a REAL LIFE
RESTAURANT in Japan where all the food is toilet
& feces inspired! YUM. And the best part? No
matter how rude you are to the waitresses or
cooks, they can't do ANYTHING
worse to you than what you're already
eating!....
I'm
Sean.
And I'd totally love to hear
acustomer complaint at this particular restaurant.
"This shit steak is totally
undercooked! What, are you people trying to make
me sick or
something!?..."
