RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA
XIX! (03/30/03) On this night, Triple H
sets race relations back a hundred years! Brock
Lesnar debuts his vaunted Shooting star
face-plant! Stone Cold & Rock make the only
good third sequel in history! HBK turns the other
cheek, while refusing to put his shoulders down!
And Hulkamania meets Egomania, in a battle twenty
years in the not really giving a shit about! All
this, plus so much more! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY
2003: (05/18/03) welcome to JUDGMENT DAY! You know,
the day God decides to just pack it in and end the
world, before passing final judgment upon thee for
your many sins. One of which is ordering a
pay-per-view being headlined by Kevin Nash. You
should be ashamed of yourselves! Enjoy your
eternity! (which for the record is what this PPV
felt like...) Click
HERE
to read
Sean's
Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: BAD BLOOD 2003:
(06/16/03) It's Bad Blood! RAW's first ever single
brand pay-per-view, and the first rejected name
for Rock Hudson's autobiography! The good news is
HHH and Kevin Nash went to Hell. The bad news is
they came back. Just who walked out (hobbled out)
of the UNFORGIVING structure as champion? And can
anything ever make this cage accept an apology?
Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2003:
(07/23/03) Eddie Guerrero becomes the champion of
USA for you, esse! Sable battles Stephanie McMahon
in wrestling's first No holds used match,
Big Show, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar engage in a
three way, and the War Amps officially stop asking
Vince McMahon for donations. Imagine that. Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM
2003: (08/24/03) It's Summer-time! And the
living is easy. Pity you won't feel the same way
after this fucking show is done. Featuring: The
only Jew on earth insisting he get locked in
something called an "elimination chamber"! And
Kurt Angle taking on "the real" Brock Lesnar! The
robot clone he normally uses is in the shop
getting repaired, apparently. Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
09.17.03: Giving My Two Cents (Then Taking it Back
Since It's Canadian, And Thus Worthless).
Featuring: God Smites The Useless! It's Not
Sodom And Gomorrah, but Hey, That One Dude Did Do
Unnatural Things With His Ass! Plus, Impending HHH
Wedding Buzz (And Not From YJ Stinger Bees),
Chyna Changes Her Name But Keeps Her Masculinity,
And The Actual Retail Value Of TNA. All This, Plus
Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN
2003: (09/21/03) It's Unforgiven! The show
that holds grudges. And then presents grudge
matches that you don't want to see. I mean, JR
& King vs. Coach & Al Snow? Dear lord.
Plus, Shane battles Kane as the rain falls mainly
on the plain, and HHH loses a quick ten pounds for
his upcoming wedding! Click
HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
09.22.03: Featuring, Brock Won't Be Representing
The Special Olympics Any Time Soon, Goldberg Gets
The Gold Then Never Spends It Again, X-Pac Don't
Treat Chyna Like A Woman, He Don't Treat Her Like
A Man, He Treat Her Like A Punching Bag, And Vince
Wants To Slip The McManhood To Steph? Dear God.
All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
09.29.03: Featuring: Theories On Stephanie's
Genetic Anomalies, The Non-White House Hopes Of
Teddy Long, Mark Henry's Potential Hibernation,
How The Divas May Have Broke The 7th Seal Of The
Apocalypse, And Hunter Won't Put Over The Animal
Kingdom Either; All This, Plus Much More! Click
HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2003:
(10/19/03) One week before her wedding, a Father
gives away the bride... forever... by choking the
life out of her. If only all weddings cost this
little. Plus, a Wolverine gets on the tracks and
causes an A-Train to derail! Zach Gowen gets a leg
up on Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero goes from the
fire into the frying pan hands, and Undertaker
battles Brock Lesnar in the "first ever" Biker
chain match. Huh. Now we know why it's never
happened again. Click HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 10.30.03:
Halloween Edition! But Not Really! Featuring
Insane Musings! Hukamania Running , err, Gingerly
Walking Wildly! Stu Hart Taps Out To The Grim
Reaper! Road Warrior Hawk Dines On
Death..Literally! No Mercy Quick & Dirty, And
My Super-Secret Inside Coverage of The Wedding Of
The Century! Only Three Mid-Carders Were Held Back
In The Making Of The These Nuptials! All This,
Plus Much More~! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES
2003: (11/16/03) It's the Survivor Series!
Now with one less McMahon! And as a result, Bret
Hart hates this pay-per-view a little less.
Featuring: Brock Lesnar learning that you can lead
a Hoss to water, but you can't make them win.
Wait, that's not how it goes. Plus, Vince McMahon
buries The Undertaker, and Goldberg surprisingly
avoids the same fate at the hands of HHH! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE: HULKAMANIA FOREVER
(12/12/03:): We all know that by judging how
slowly he moves in the ring, the Stark Ravin'
Hulkster is ancient, dude. But just how
Ancient? We now have the answers! Apparently,
Hulkamania began some 10,000 years ago, Jesus
time! It's true! And we HAVE the
records! From the Ten Commandments (shortened
to 4 sometime in the mid-80's), to how he
*really* lost his hair, to the
ACTUAL first man (dude?) on the moon,
History has just been re-written, bruther. Click
HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON
2003: (12/14/03) Welcome to Armageddon! A
moment you always knew would come, but always
hoped you'd never be around to see. And now that
it is finally here, you'll have to pay the
ultimate price. In this case, $39.95 for a
Goldberg/Kane/HHH match. Dear Lord. It's times
like that you wish it really was the end of the
world.... Click HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
VAULT
RECAPITATION: WWF'S EVEN MORE UNUSUAL
MATCHES (12/26/03) The Konami cheat code is
in effect when Hulk Hogan(s) takes on Harley
Race(s); plus the elderly, midgets, women,
animals! There all here! Is this 1980's WWF
or the world's most disturbing Fetish porn? You
decide! Click HERE
to read!
SATIRE: REJECTED WWE SHOPZONE
ITEMS (01/16/04): The following Items are
not available for purchase on WWE Shopzone. Go
figure. From what makes Mark Henry stink a
little less (in-ring performances
notwithstanding), to how Bradshaw avoids disease
whilst breaking the spirits of much smaller men,
we have all your bases covered. Click
HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE
2004: (01/25/04) The Vanilla midget finally
stands tall! Well, as tall as you can stand at
5'8". Plus, "family issues" are resolved the good
old fashion way, with flying headscissors and
planchas! HHH and HBK face the conundrum of what
happens when two entities consisting of not
wanting to do jobs come into contact with one
another, and Brock Lesnar faces the toughest test
of his career! ...Trying not to laugh at the
plight of Bob Holly. Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE: WWE FALL TV PREVIEW
(02/13/04:) This fall, CBS Viacom will team with
World Wrestling Entertainment to bring you Classic
TV revisited, only this time featuring WWE
personalities in starring roles, in their
desperate attempt to administer some FULL
NIELSEN'S! (HIYO!). The following is the scheduled
line-up. Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT
2004: (02/15/04) A night, that much like
this great country, was built upon the back of
hardworking Mexicans! All culminating with Eddie
Guerrero battling Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title!
It's "Here comes the Pain" versus "There goes the
painkillers", and something has to give! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA
XX. (03/14/05) Where it all began
again...for about six months anyway; then it
pretty much went back to the exact same company as
before! But whatever. It was a night to behold!
Vanilla midgets had their revenge! Aryan Supermen
battled hulking Jews while the whole thing is
overseen by an angry redneck! A deadman returns
from the great beyond and looks ready to hit a
Honky tonk bar! It's CRAZY. Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE: WWE GOES TO THE
MOVIES! (03/19/04) From the people who
subjected the World to "WWE Originals" comes the
latest offerings from WWE Films, just in time for
the Summer Blockbuster season! And by
"Blockbuster" we mean the store. And by the store
we mean the discount bin. And by discount bin, we
probably mean the dumpster out back; because
there's a better chance people will purchase
fucking Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol than
any of these abortions. But hey, whatever. Click
HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2004:
(04/18/04) It's Chris Benoit Day and
Holocaust Remembrance Day, so what better way to
commemorate both then to destroy a guy with
an Iron cross on his tights? Plus, Mick Foley
introduces Randy Orton to Malibu's much-less-liked
sister "Truth or Consequences Barbie", and Chris
Jericho takes his dollar out of the hide of
Christian and Trish Stratus! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE: BROCK LESNAR: WRESTLING WITH
FOOTBALL (05/14/04) After taking his ball
and going home, Brock Lesnar has picked it up
again, and fumbled it in the NFL! Kind of. Here
are the latest completely true and not made up
incidents The Next Big Thing has partaken
in while trying to adjust to the gridiron
from wrestling. Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY
2004: (05/16/04) It's Judgment Day! And God
decided the best way to punish us heathens for our
sins would be to subject us to a Bradshaw main
event push! Repent now before he gets another
rematch! Plus, Kurt "Blofeld" Angle torments a
blond in lieu of Bond, Mordecai tries Scotty 2
Hotty for the sin of living in the past, and
Booker T trades in his fishin' pole for some
voodoo black magic and still comes up short
against The Undertaker. Huh. Clearly, he should
have talked to the last voodoo guy who tried to
mess with The Undertaker. Might have saved himself
a lot of grief. Click HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR:
OPERATION WARRIOR! (06/04/04) The Amazing
True ULTIMATE~! story of the fall of Saddam. In a
time of need, the U.S. government knew there was
only one man who could be counted on to turn the
tide of the Gulf War. That man was Ultimate
Warrior. And he did it all wearing only Speedoes.
WARRIAH! Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: GREAT AMERICAN BASH
2004: (06/27/04) It's the birth of
America's newest summertime tradition! Well, so
long as your idea of traditions include
suffocating your best friend in cement after just
saving him from a convoluted kidnapping plot! Plus
a Dusty finish in a world title match! Holy shit,
this really IS The Great American Bash after all!
Click HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2004:
(07/11/04) Triple H battles Chris Benoit, and a
retard holds the fate of the world in his hands!
Hey, maybe he should run for president! Plus, an
Animal murders a Lion-tamer! Edge puts a legend
killer to justice! And Matt Hardy gets a measure
of revenge against the monster who secretly
impregnated his girlfriend, the only way he knows
how: with a flurry of wrestling offense! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
SATIRE:
CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: WARRIOR OF THE
WORLDS! (07/16/04): Amidst a full
blown Extra-Terrestrial Invasion, there
was only ONE man to be counted on to dispose of
Aliens. Usually, they're just Mexicans, but hey
whatever. You take what you can get. Here is
the never before heard (in English, and not, umm,
Warrior) tale of how THE
ULTIMATE WARRIOR saved the whole
of humanity by waging inter-galactic war on
a non-human plague! (not Hulkamania). Click
HERE
to read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 07.31.04:
Featuring 1/1000 of Bret Hart Seeks Revenge on
Vince McMahon, Paul Bearer Is Trapped In a Glass
Case Of Emotion, Mordecai Raptured To The
Unemployment Line, O'Haire's Telling The Police
Something They Don't Already Know, Ric Flair
Pisses Off Foley AND Bret Hart, Then Travels The
Known Universe! Wrestling's Most Celebrated
Mustaches And Mullets! And Joanie Laurer Debunks
Myths of Her Gender By Hosting a Transsexual
Pageant! You Go, Umm, Questionable Girl! All This,
Plus So Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM
2004: (08/15/04) Retards get sacrificed!
Hometown boys get run out of town on a rail!
Wolverines euthanized! Grim Reapers assault
millionaires! Strippers get balls in the face! And
the crowning of a fake youngest champion ever!
What more could you want? A crowd that'd respect
what they are watching, instead of doing the
fucking wave? Umm, probably. Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: 08.31.04: Featuring , A
Woman Beats Austin, Warrior Ramblings, Sable
Released Into Captivity, Viking Brock Lesnar
Thrown Over-Board, Divas Search Fallout, The
Kane/Lita Wedding Album & A Rabid Road Warrior
Animal Attacking Random People On Video... This
Fall of Fox! All This Plus Much (MUCH) More! Click
HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN
2004: (09/12/04) Yesterday may have
*technically* been September 11th, but I guarantee
you this is a night Randy Orton will "never
forget"! Where's the NYFD when you need them?
Someone needs to dig Orton out of his hole here!
Plus, Tyson Tomko creates more problems than he
solves, and Chris Jericho and Y2J battle for the
vacant Intercontinental title with "100 pound"
Aluminum ladders! Man, Someone might have weighed
them on Hulk Hogan's scale! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
(09/23/04): Featuring Chronic Jeff Jarrett,
Heidenreich For Dinner, Hulk Hogan Hype, The Death
Of WCW, "Russo Style!", New Gimmicks For Randy
Orton, The Debut Of "Bullshit ", Eddie Guerrero
Gone Loco, The Raw Report Card, The Ultimate
Collection Of Warrior Insults, And Gene Snitsky's
Makes Your Pro Choice For You! All This Plus Much
More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2004:
(10/04/04) It's No Mercy! The PPV that shows no
sympathy for you or your wallet. Featuring JBL,
Undertaker, a hearse, a pantsless chauffer, and
the ultimate inhumanity of being locked inside of
an "inescapable" car! There's no escape through
that, umm, glass! So don't even try! Click
HERE to read
Sean's Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: TABOO TUESDAY
2004: (10/19/04) It's Taboo Tuesday! A
HISTORIC night where, FINALLY, YOU get to have
your voice heard! It's just too bad what you end
up "saying" is what we've pretty much been seeing
for 2 years anyway! Damn you for opening your big
mouth! Featuring: For the first time in history,
the father of the baby is aborted! HHH and 3/4's
of Shawn Michaels wage war! Chris Benoit helps two
Quebecers separate... from their tag titles! And
Ric Flair gets a (legend) killer behind bars!
Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: 10.22.04: Featuring: No
More Patterson Jokes?, RAW And SmackDown Diarrhea,
HHH Travels Through Time! Terri Runnels For Sale!
Dissecting Vince! A Look At Some New Faces! And
The Missing Taboo Tuesday Rant! All This Plus Much
More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES
2004: (11/14/04) Germans and Jews reconcile
their differences to stop the Grim reaper! John
Cena returns from the dead, and Jesus is at the
forefront! plus, Booker T prays for a sixth
finger, and Randy Orton bursts the bubble of the
most inflated team in Survivor Series history!
Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 11.19.04:
Featuring: Goldberg Has Heat With Hef, Huge
Firings, WWF sues WWE,What Really Happened
To Vince, And The Return of BULLSHIT! Featuring
Dave Gagnon & Harry Simon! TNA Invades WWE?,
Carlito's "Conspiracy", Randy Savage Is Insane,
The Week That Was, And More Snitsky Than You Can
Shake A Stick At (Or A Coat Hanger). All This,
Plus Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
12.03.04: YEAR-END 2004: In This Edition, I Look
Back At The Year That Was; Featuring Old
Favorites, Quotable Quotes, Highlights And
Lowlights...And Of Course The Breakout Star of
2004 (Firguratively And Literally!) Gene Snitsky!
All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
VAULT RECPITATION: MACHO
MADNESS: (12/04/04): Before he went
completely insane, Macho Man Randy Savage
used to be just kind of insane. It's 1988. It
was all about Macho Madness. There was
nothing Macho couldn't do. Bar make
sense. And avoid a certain gigantic orange
plague rolling in. This is Coliseum
Video's official release, with a
retrospective of the first half of Macho
Man's WWF title reign. All his great wars are
documented! Honky Tonk Man! Ted DiBiase! Ted
DiBiase! Ted DiBiase! Ted Dibiase! And who could
forget Ted Dibiase! (He fought him a few
times...). Click HERE to read Sean's full Video
review!
RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON
2004: (12/12/04) It's Armageddon! And as
foretold in the Bible, Jesus has returned! Only
this time he's wielding a cookie-sheet instead of
a flaming sword! Who knew? Plus, in the spirit of
Cheech & Chong, Mexicans and marijuana combine
to make Dupree & Kenzo's title reign go up in
smoke! And despite the implications of Armageddon,
the World and the World Title reign of JBL
survive the night. Go figure. Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION
2005! (01/10/05) Triple H finally gets
Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit in a chamber, but
forgoes the poison pellet! Plus, Shelton Benjamin
beats Maven like a red-headed
mono-browed step-child, Eugene & Lita head to
Medical facility in Puerto Rico, and secretly hope
the doctor who treated Bruiser Brody isn't on
call, and Muhammad Hassan is a victim of midcard
profiling! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
01.22.05: In This Edition, Sean Looks at WWE Divas
In Playboy, Brock Lesnar's Return, More WWE
ShopZone Buffoonery, And A Cameo By Canadian
Bacon! Joanie Loves (To Kick The Shit Out Of )
X-Pacy! The Homicidal, Genoicidal, Suicidal Erik
Watts, Or Maybe Just The Last Part, New Jack Stabs
John Cena, And A Whole Lotta Wrestlers Doing
Stupid Things. Plus Three New Additions To The
Mullet Hall Of Fame! Plus Much More! Click HERE
To Read!
RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE
2005! (01/30/05) The Road to Wrestlemania
21 begins, and this time it's man who becomes road
kill at the hands of an animal! plus, Heidenreich
ends up in a casket, but not in the manner in
which we'd prefer! JBL proclaims his divinity! HHH
does Darwin proud, and Vince loses his mind...and
his legs! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT
2005! (02/20/05) Featuring the debut of the
dreaded CARNIVORE that was the Barb-wire steel
cage! It once survived on berries and shrubs
alone, but now it has a taste for men! (Just like
Kanyon). Join Sean as he passes out on the side of
the Road To Wrestlemania, and decide for yourself
whether it was truly No Way Out, or "Which way
out?!" Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: (02/25/05): New
Look...Same Great Taste! This Week Featuring: My
Deep Dark Secret; Lex Luger Is Guilty...Of Being A
Fucking Moron; Anvil In Trouble; Stone Cold = Dr.
Evil? Me Getting Biblical; Vince Doesn't Have A
Leg To Stand On; Amy Weber Fucks Off; TNA Is Not
OK; Motivation: TWF Style! And Buying Batista's
Underwear...All This, Plus Much More! Click
HERE
To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 03/23/05: Two
Year TWF Anniversary Special: Featuring Completely
Random News; The ULTIMATE Triple H Collection,
Wrestling With Time, Matt Hardy FECES The Truth,
Worst Wrestlemania Matches EVER; Original
Wrestlemania Hi-Jinks, And WWE Films Presents! All
This, Plus Much More~! Click
HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA
XXI. (04/03/05) It was the night
Wrestlemania went Hollywood! (Sorta!) A night
Animals ran wild, Edge found lost money, HBK &
Angle put on a classic, and Wall-Street fell to...
Wahlberg? Sounds about right. All this,
plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
04/15/05: In This WARRIOR-SIZED Edition, We Look
At WWE Hirings; WWE Firings; Fat Girls Crying;
Searching For Divas; Bischoff's Naked Wife; A New
Satire; And WARRIOR Wants To End My Life. (Well
Sorta). All This Plus Much More!! Click HERE To
Read!
SATIRE: TV PREVIEW: HOGAN KNOWS
BEST! (04/24/05) Hulk Hogan is
returning to Network TV, bruther, with his very
own Reality TV show. And we have the *FIRST*
look at what's in store for us, dudes. Ep.
1-5 are detailed. No obese Non-Americans were
harmed in the making of this Series. Yet.
Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2005!
(05/01/05) Featuring Batista facing the single
greatest phenomenon to ever claim millions of
innocent lives: the PEDIGREE~! Plus, Hulk Hogan
& Shawn Michaels (D-Generated (e)X Champions?)
battling Daivari, and a guy you're kinda
supposed to forget ever existed! It's
Backlash, a show so memorable, I don't even
remember writing this Rant! Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
SATIRE: THE WRESTLING FAN.COM
SHOPZONE: (05/07/05) Over the last 3
years, I have created wrestling related
products SO tasteless, that they could only be
found right HERE at The Wrestling Fan.com! And
maybe Hell. It replaces sulfur and burning on
Wednesdays. Here is the full collection on
ONE page. Click HERE
to read!
SATIRE: RAW IS STAR WARS!
(05/13/05) Now that George Lucas seemingly
has A LOT of time on his hands, (when he's not
counting his money), I take a look at
what WWE might be like, if the show was written by
Mr. Star Wars himself. Click here to read RAW IS
STAR WARS! Click
HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY
2005! (05/22/05) It's Judgment Day, a day
when God passes judgment and punishment on all of
humanity. And what better way to punish people
then to subject them to a 13th consecutive JBL
Main Event push? Plus, Bob Holly gets his
obligatory Spring-time tag title shot, Mexican on
tiny Mexican crime, Big Show relives a Disney
classic, and Orlando Jordan gets away with murder!
Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: ECW ONE NIGHT
STAND! (06/12/05) Much like a real one
night stand, ECW delivered a night of no strings
attached wanton pleasure! Only, unlike a woman, it
only cost us 35 dollars to get off! If only all
one night stand's were this fulfilling. In any
event, join Sean as he looks at the chaos,
memories and brutality that was perhaps the best
pay-per-view of the last 5 years! Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
06/17/05: In This Jam-Packed Edition, I Help
Matt Hardy Start Dating Again, Explore
Heidenreich's Strange Transformation From
Cole-Raping Poet To Pied Piper; JBL Serves Blue
Meanie A Low-Carb Potato, Harlem
Sewer Mall-Rats, Orton's Shit
Doesn't Stink, Plus The TWF Debut Of "If They
Mated!". All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2005!
(06/26/05) Join the fun as HHH and Batista move
into the Devil's duplex, Kane, Edge and Lita
settle "divorce" the good old fashioned way: with
worked offense! HBK and Kurt Angle get Biblical,
and the Champ is still here. All this plus
much more! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
07/20/05: In This Lazy Summer Edition, I
Look At Matt Hardy: The Excellence Of Edgucution,
Between A Brock and A Hard Place, Mr. Ass Is An
Asshole, Vince McMahon In The White House, And
Getting To Know The Potential Divas! All This,
Plus Much More! Or Less! Whatever! Click HERE To
Read!
SATIRE: ULTIMATE WARRIOR 4
PRESIDENT! (07/30/05) In this edition, Sean
Carless takes a ridiculous look at a potential
2008 Presidential bid for the Ultimate Warrior
with: ULTIMATE WARRIOR FOR PRESIDENT! Just how
would the Warrior-man handle the "tough" issues
like immigration, the war on terror, and abortion?
Press Slams? Probably. It always seemed to work
for everything else. Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: GREAT AMERICAN BASH
2005! (07/24/05) The Not-So-Great American
Bash. A night where Undertaker single-handedly won
the war on terror, Animal found new love, and a
Wrestling God punished us heathens for our sins...
by subjecting us to one of the worst main event
matches ever! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM
2005! (08/21/05) It's the "Biggest Party of
the Summer". A night built entirely around a match
that for all intents and purposes looked like a
Hair Club ad for "Before" and "Way Before!" Plus,
angry atrophied Olympians look to murder the
mentally handicapped! An Animal battles a God that
I suggest might be a little more forgiving of
Sodom & Gomorrah! Adultery is settled the old
fashioned way: WITH BODYSLAMS! And a child goes
home with the first diminutive Mexican to climb a
ladder. It's as true to life as you get. And I
can't think of a better way to spend a summer. Ok,
I lied. I can. But no one likes me, so I have no
choice. Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 09/09/05:
FINAL EDITION? This Month We Look At Vince
Screwing Bret Screwing Sunny, New Identities For
Muhammad Hassan, Raven Quote's The Torah Never
More, Wrestling's Boulevard Of Broken Dreams,
Wrestling's WORST Theme Songs, And Revised
Motivational Posters! All This, Plus Much More!
Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN
2005! (09/18/05) It's WWE's most
unforgiving show of the year; and one that's
apparently never read a fucking dictionary in its
life because it's not even a real word:
UNFORGIVEN! Featuring: A VICTORY for committed
relationships! The end of racial intolerance as we
know it! Divine intervention interceding to help a
loyal disciple escape the clutches of a glorified
rest-hold! Senior citizens involved in Gang Bangs!
And actual NUDITY on PPV! (Dear God, it's not what
you think.) You know, fun for the whole family!
Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2005!
(10/09/05) From the people who brought you the
Great American Bash, comes this season's most
uninteresting and forgetful Pay-per-view: No
Mercy! From BBQ'd wrestlers to BBQ'd
cheeseburgers, to matches built entirely around
disgusting bodily functions, there?s something for
everyone! Unless you?re normal. In that case you
just saved yourself forty dollars! Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: TABOO TUESDAY
2005. (11/01/05) A night dedicated to
people who can't get laid! And just because it was
the lowest drawing WWE Pay-per-view EVER last
year, doesn't mean they shouldn't have tried it
again! Oh wait, yes it does. Regardless, it was
the return of a night where you finally had the
power!...to choose from three choices they've
picked!...two of which are horrible. But other
than that, it's all up to you! YOU WERE THE
PROMOTER! Featuring, one man definitely not Big
Show or Kane joining Kurt Angle and John Cena in
the main event, HHH battling Ric Flair in a
SURPRISE "non-predetermined" match decided by YOU
the fans (umm, don't let that huge pre-assembled
cage hanging above the ring influence you!) ) and
Batista steps in for Steve Austin who had to move
a love seat, to wrestle a career worst match
against Goldust, the Coach, and an extremely obese
Vader, who just earlier had three choices of his
own to make: Just what huge meal would he consume,
pre-match? (it was a three-way tie!) All this,
plus much more! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: 11/25/05: 2005
Quasi-Year End Blowout Edition Or Something Like
That!: Featuring: Completely Random News: Not
Really Year In Review! Plus, *ALL NEW* Material
Including WWE Whore Zone, Vince Opens A Wendy's,
And Chappelle's Show: WWE Style! All This Plus
Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES
2005. (11/27/05) From the people who
brought you the complete and utter destruction of
Bret Hart's life comes Survivor Series! It's RAW
Vs. SmackDown! Men Vs. Women and Children! And
good sense versus the booking of a Teddy Long Vs.
Eric Bischoff match! On this night, WWE puts that
whole "brand extension" thing on hold for a night
of interpromotional mayhem! But things go back to
normal tomorrow, 'cause let's face it, you don't
sell one hundred ppv's in one year with just one
roster! *ahem*. Plus, the WWE title is on the line
when The Marine John Cena battles Kurt Angle. It's
Leathernecks vs. Broken Freakin' necks! Or
something! Just how did Sean see Sur Ser 2005?
Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON
2005. (12/18/05) It's Armageddon!
Undertaker and Randy Orton go to Hell! Tim White
goes to Heaven! The Mexicools stay in limbo! What
more could you want? (a decent show, maybe?) All
this, Plus much more! Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION
2006. (01/08/06) Just how does a scumbag
Adulterer become the top babyface in the company?
This PPV answers that question and more! Well,
except for the question of why Jerry Lawler is
wrestling on PPV. There's no answers for that!
It's New Year's Revolution!...over a week after
New Years! But hey, 'Middle of January Revolution'
don't sell pay-per-views, baby! Featuring
Grandmothers sexually assaulting Divas! Mothers
fighting their sons battles! And Son-in Laws
smiting Giants! Plus, the crowd has taken a page
from this show's name and revolted against John
Cena! Did they find justice? Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
SATIRE: H 2.0: GUESS WHHHO's
HHHHAVING A BABY! (01/18/06) A ridiculous
look at the peaks and valleys of the Helmsley's
first child. What's in store for Triple H and
Steph over the next nine months; and how will HHH
react when someone is yelling "push!" and it isn't
directed at him? It's all here! From copulation to
birth and beyond, I've clearly gone too far.
Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE
2006. (01/29/06) It's the RUMBLUS 2006:
Where It All Begins Again!? That's right. If
you're a John Cena fan, this was definitely your
night; but if you're not, you're probably still
picking shards of TV glass out of your fist right
now! Plus, Rey Mysterio proves really big things
can happen to really little people, while Kurt
Angle versus Mark Henry proves that bad matches
can happen to great champions. All in all, you'll
feel like hurling yourself over the ropes after
this Rant! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
SATIRE: LIFE AFTER WRESTLING: JOBS
AFTER DOING JOBS!: (02/11/06). Just what
does a wrestler do when he doesn't wrestle
anymore? Sean explores this and more in perhaps
his most ridiculous Satire ever! From Lita being
the perfect host! (for diseases?) to Jake Roberts
DDTing mortality, Ric Flair putting his "Road
Rage" to good use, and Goldberg "jack-hammering"
for Jehovah, it's all here and more! Click
HERE
to read!
SATIRE: WWE STRAIGHT TO DVD
RELEASES! (03/15/06) In this satire, Sean
looks at possible future movie vehicles for
various WWE stars, and what may be on the horizon
for WWE cough*XFL*cough Films. Click HERE to read!
RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 22
(04/02/06) It's Wrestlemania! The Grand Daddy of
Them All! Featuring actual Grand Daddy's wrestling
in High profile matches! It was a historic night,
that saw one streak end, two streaks continue, no
one streak in a Playboy match, and the need of
selling merchandise supersede the demands of a
bunch of angry dudes. Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2006
(04/30/06) It's Backlash! A night of Holy miracles
and holy shit moments! A night where God took a
powder, The King of Kings jobbed for your sins,
and psychiatrists alike were baffled as to how we
can hear the inner most thoughts of tormented
seven foot demons! Just what did WWE have in store
for us? Who walked out as Champions, and who just
plain didn't walk out at all? Click
HERE to read the Recapitation!
SATIRE: THE
DREAM MATCH: SHAWN MICHAELS VS. JESUS!:
(05/04/06) Just when you thought WWE couldn't
sink any lower with the HBK/God storyline, Sean
Carless chimes in with the MONEY match we REALLY
want to see: "THE DREAM MATCH: Shawn Michaels Vs.
Jesus!" Just how would the resilient HBK fare
against the even more resilient King of Kings (the
non-Lemmy bearded variety) in a thrilling catch as
catch can (and not fish) t?te - ? - t?te? And what
kind of offense could we expect out of the Savior?
Sean breaks it all down and probably guarantees
eternal damnation, all for you reading pleasure!
Click HERE
to read!
SATIRE: ECW
GOES SCI-FI! (05/31/06) With the
announcement that ECW is set to debut on the Sc-Fi
channel, speculation abounded as to what Vince had
in mind when he claimed that ECW would *appeal* to
Sci-Fi fans. With that said, join Sean as he takes
a ridiculous look at potential science-fiction
inspired gimmicks for ECW stars and the possible
new faces that will join the fold! Sabu leaps from
the top rope and through time! RVD hunts down the
future leader of the human resistance with
potatoes! Tazz calls the action in a 6 inch tall
plastic space suit! It's all here! No Trekkies
were harmed in the making of this satire. Except
one. But he was morbidly overweight anyway, so it
was probably just natural causes.
Click HERE
to read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SUMMER OF
SEAN! (06/09/06) Featuring: TWF True
Hollywood Death Valley
Story: Kane; Plus, RAW Thoughts, "Whatever
Happened To", And Much More! This Column Is
Brought To You By God, Jesus And MR. McMahon!
Discretion Is Advised. Some Scenes Contain Stuff.
Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
SEANDOWN!: (06/24/06) Smackdown the
way it was meant to be seen! On a Friday
night instead of getting laid! Good
choice!. This week, Booker T. & Lashley
continue to have as many matches as William Regal
says "All hail King Booker!", the
sovereign nation of Mexicool is divided in
unruly cival war! And Mark Henry vows to win the
World Heavyweight Championship, in hopes that the
belt is really chocolate wrapped in foil! All this
plus much more! Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: Total Nonstop
Bullshit! (07/21/06) Sean Carless's
Ridiculous View Into TNA As Seen By...Sean
Carless. (Who Else Would It Be?) Featuring:
Complete TNA iMPACT! Recap, Blowing The Lid Off Of
Terrorism In Orlando~!, And Reasons Why Jeff
Jarrett Is... Awesome? All This Plus Much
More! Click HERE To Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
(08/10/06) *Jam-Packed Edition*, Featuring Fall TV
Preview 2006, Completely Random News: With
WWEnzymes~!, Diva's Search Fallout, Patterson's
Heart Go Banana, Hulk Hogan Jobs To A Counch,
Vince Fights Science, And More! Plus, Undertaker
Taken Under The Wing Of Mr. Miyagi, An *Exclusive*
Behind The Scenes Look at John Cena's "The
Marine", And Things I Learned From Watching WWE!
All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SEANDOWN
2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!: (08/26/06) This
week, Sean's got all your Smackdown bases covered!
Featuring, George Orwell's tale coming to life as
the Animals are revolting! "Terkays", Buffalos,
Pitbulls and umm, Batistas running amok!Or Walking
Amok. Through pit of Dangers. Plus,
emasculated broken men doing battle to determine
who is more pathetic! Plus Bonus pics! Stupidity!
Anything to take our minds of this show! Click
HERE
to
read!
RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN 2006
(09/17/06) It's the pay-per-view that just won't
let bygones be bygones! It's Unforgiven. And Sean
was there LIVE. Join us as Sean recounts his crazy
day, the full show, plus provides a bonus satire!
All this plus John Cena gives Toronto the big
F.U.! A Canadian actually gets to leave this
company with a World Title! Kane and Umaga believe
in an eye for an eye and a thumb for a thumb! Plus
we find out what happens when Scottish warriors
from the middle ages battle cheerleaders! And HBK
puts heaven on hold to go to Hell with HHH (who's
going there anyway) to battle The McMahons, Big
Show, and hands like skillets! They can cook EGGS
and deliver punishment! All this plus so much more
in this HUGE Rant just brimming with
ridiculousness~! Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
TWF SOUR
25! (11/13/06) Obviously spoofing WWE's
"Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom
25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or
the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic
TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this
particular week, and why? Click HERE
to read!
SATIRE:
DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!: (11/20/06)
With Christmas just around the corner, what better
way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over
after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking
pay-per-views this year) then on the following
"quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they
don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just
might get time to figure out what "plummeting
domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't
think they need to tell you what that means!
(Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is
fine! Ahem.). Click HERE
to read Sean's ridiculous Shopzone spoof!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: RAW
RECAPPING FOR DUMMIES: (11/30/06): It's a
RAW Review more bare-bones than Nicole Ritchie.
It's RAW Recapping For Dummies~! Featuring the
Captain Trips Virus released, with 2
Casualties thus far, and more to come (Many more).
Plus, the will of the people see a fledgling
pudgy announcer chosen over a marquee
inter-champion showdown. Holy shit. It's no wonder
we've had to put up with George Bush for 8 years.
All this, plus much more! Click HERE to
read!
VIDEO SATIRE: WWE's 12 DAYS OF
CHRISTMAS! (12/15/06) WWE took so much from
us this year (mainly our money, but hey, what's
rent and food compared to the hilarious boyish
antics of DX~!), so it's only fair we take a look
at what they actually GAVE us. In any event, this
is TWF's first ever full video Satire, so Click
here to watch as Sean butchers a Christmas
classic, TWF-style. (and does it all ass-backwards
in honor of the WWE.). Click HERE
to read!
TWF SOUR
25! (12/29/06) Obviously spoofing WWE's
"Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom
25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or
the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic
TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this
particular week, and why? Click HERE
to read!
SATIRE: WWE ACQUIRES THE HISTORY
CHANNEL: (01/19/07) For years, people have
asked, "What would happen if Vince McMahon could
dictate recorded world history?" OK, no one ever
said that. But it doesn't mean that we can't
pretend, right? Join Sean Carless as he looks at
how Vince McMahon would spin history if it were
indeed for sale. From Bryan Clarke ending World
conflicts to Triple H conquering most of Europe
with thunderous pedigrees, to Divas being burned
at the stake, Sean has all your bases covered and
then some. Click HERE
to read!
RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE
2007 (01/28/07) It's the Royal Rumble! The
2nd most important pay-per-view of the year's
scheduled 3000! And Sean has all your results and
buffoonery. Kelly Kelly handles your balls! Test
puts the 'Extreme' back in extremely shitty
finish! Another Kennedy is killed in Texas! The
Bulldozer runs out of gas! Batista's still on the
gas! And The Rumble goes to one of the most
popular deadman in Texas! (Not the Von Erichs).
All this, plus much more! Click
HERE to read
the Recapitation!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: (01/29/07): Insane Stream Of
Consciousness Buffoonery Is Back..For One Day
Anyway! Featuring: Kurt Angle's Plunge Into
Madness, Kenny Dykstra Turns Lesbian, Undertaker's
Secret Days As A Member Of The Riverdale Gang, Fan
Laws, FanGirls, Abyss Has Got A Gun, Motivational
Posters For New ECW, And A Special In-Column
Satire: WWE's Oscar Season Movies! All This, Plus
Much More~! Click HERE To
Read!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: EXTREMELY DRUNK
WRESTLING~!: (02/08/07:) Full
*uncensored* insane drunken ramblings on
EC-Dub!... and a heartfelt goodbye to Anna Nicole
Smith. Ok, maybe not that heartfelt. Something
gets felt, though. I promise. Click HERE to
read!
RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT 2007
(02/18/07) It's No Way Out! The last-big money
grab before the Grand Daddy Of Them All! On this
night, The Road To Wrestlemania began, but there
were several casualties along the way, and one
trip to a known homosexual rest-stop! Ok, there
wasn't, but I just wanted to use that segue. In
any event, it was a night where Animals betrayed
their Masters! An Asian redneck and a Mexican
worked in unison to stop the 13 month rampage of a
Hurricane! London & Kendrick channeled AJAX
and cut through Grease! And Bobby Lashley provided
your fill of Extreme!... if the 'Extreme' you were
after was disappointment! All this, plus more!
Click HERE to read
the Recapitation!
VAULT
RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 1 (02/25/07)
We?re on the Road to Wrestlemania, but first, Sean
once again takes an off road piss break as he
journeys back some 20+ years to where it all
began: WRESTLEMANIA 1! It's 1985, and long before
Vince had visions of paying useless strippers 250
K for sitting in pies, or nearly bankrupting the
company with bush-league football, he had a dream:
WRESTLEMANIA! An event SO huge, it could only be
carried on Hulk Hogan?s Barn Door Back,
Bruther. Click HERE to read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING
NEWZ~! (03/03/07) Hulk Hogan attends the
funeral of Anna Nicole Smith!...but why was he
REALLY there? (bruther). Join paragon of
journalistic integrity Sean Carless as he blows
the lid off this story with SHOCKING INFORMATION
that you will not believe! (And if you do, dear
god, man.) Click HERE
for this breaking story!
TWF SOUR 25! (03/21/07)
Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25
ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders,
blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate
of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked
in at number one this particular week, and
why? Click HERE
to read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING
NEWZ~! (03/25/07) TNA's Abyss goes on a
savage killing spree at the behest of his mother!
2/3rds of the TNA locker room murdered! Join
paragon of journalistic integrity Sean Carless as
he blows the lid off this story with SHOCKING
INFORMATION that you will not believe! Because
it's all made up! But, hey, whatever! Click
HERE
for this
breaking story!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SPOTLIGHT:
GIMMICK TABLE HIJACKED! (03/30/07)
Just in case you missed Sean Carless' Guest
appearance at Wrestlecrap last week, here's an
archived look at his one-time-only fill-in GIMMICK
TABLE. Featuring WWE International! A ridiculous
look at WWE's possible global expansion. Where
else can you see WWE trying to book events in the
former communist Soviet Union? (and Of Course Not
realizing It's No Longer Communist. USA! USA!
USA!). Click HERE
to check it
out!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING
NEWZ~! (04/01/07) As you get ready for
Wrestlemania, paragon of journalistic integrity
Sean Carless blows the lid off last night's
SUPER-SECRET WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTIONS that you
had to not see to not believe! Savage! Steamboat!
Warrior! All were secretly honored! Click
HERE
for this
breaking story!
RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2007
(04/30/07) It's Backlash, the pay-per-view that
leaves a bad taste in God's mouth! A night where
the WWE Championship is contested by six-degrees
of Marines! A Fake Marine! A Disgraced Marine! A
guy who got his ass kicked by nine at once! And a
guy... who lived a few miles from Marineland?
Close enough. Plus, Bobby Lashley is no longer the
(child-like) face of ECW! Undertaker and Batista
wrestle to a dead (HIYO) heat! Cade & Murdoch
generate no heat! Sean has all your bases covered
and more in one of the biggest most jam-packed
Rants EVER! Click HERE to read
Sean's full insane Recapitation!
RECAPITATION: ONE NIGHT STAND
2007 (06/03/07) After two memorable
consecutive One Night Stands, WWE delivers the
kind you blame fully on alcohol and never ever
admit to enjoying! It's One Night Stand 2007! And
Dr. Vince has surgically removed 95% of ECW in
favor of Great Khali & Mark Henry! EC-DUBle
cross! On this night, John Cena makes Great Khali
his own personal Pun-jobber! Edge enters an Animal
cage and lives to tell the tale! Dominatrix Bobby
Lashley enters into a S&M relationship with
Vince McMahon! (well, maybe just the S part) and
women wrestle in EXTREME pudding! What more could
you want? ECW? No soup for you. All this, plus
much more! Click HERE to read
Sean's full insane Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING
NEWZ~! (06/12/07) If you saw RAW, you'll
know that Vince was whacked! Join Sean Carless as
he blows the lid off of the ALTERNATE ENDING for
Vince's apparent DEATH, not-at-all stolen from
another controversial Television moment, that
didn't happen on Sunday night. Not even. Click
HERE
for this breaking story!
TWF SOUR
25! (07/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's
"Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom
25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or
the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic
TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this
particular week, and why? Click HERE
to read!
WWE.COM PARODY: LIVE FROM THE
PUNJAB! (07/25/07) If one thing is
abundantly clear, it's that WWE.com has some
of the best writers never, hence the
following parody of a WWE.com article on The Great
Khali. While it was already horribly subtly
racist, I decided "why be even
that subtle?" and replaced several key words
in the piece to make it even worse. This was the
result. Click HERE
to read!
WWE.COM PARODY: LINDA MCMAHON GOES
BERSERK! (08/10/07) Sean Carless returns
with BREAKING NEWZ out of Stamford! Linda McMahon
has gone HAYWIRE and murdered several WWE
superstars! Click
HERE for all
the details on this incredibly fake and untrue
story!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
BREAKING NEWZ~!: (08/13/07) Completely true
and not tasteless and insensitive breaking news
into the *shocking* sudden death of Brian "Crush"
Adams! Just which shocking parties were
possibly involved? And how did his
partnership in "Kronik" possibly lead to his
death? (IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK). Click
HERE for all the
latest
details!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
THIS JUST IN!~!: (08/17/07) Hulk Hogan's
house Robbed! (seriously). Culprit revealed! (not
seriously). Click
HERE for all the latest details,
Bruther!
SATIRE: TWF HELL (08/30/07)
Where stupid and completely tasteless ideas go
when they
die! Join
Sean as he takes you through some previous
discarded ideas for satires and parodies that
often bring new meaning to the term
"inappropriate". But be warned, most content
contained within is Not Work Safe so enter at your
own discretion! (Page also contains many .gif
animations, so dial-up beware!). Click HERE
to go to Hell!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: RUSSOLAND
REVISITED. (09/14/07) Join Sean as he
tackles Russoland for the first time in over a
year in search of the elusive legends known as
"Common Sense" and "Continuity". Then marvel
as he slips dangerously into an alcohol induced
coma as a result. (seriously.). Click HERE
to read
Sean's full insane Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING NEWZ~!:
SUPER SECRET WRESTLEMANIA 24 DREAMCARD
LEAKED! (09/21/07) Join Professional
Truth-Teller Sean Carless as he reveals the huge
Wrestlemania card Vince McMahon doesn't want you
to know about! Mostly because it's a lie! Ahem.
Click HERE
for all the
latest details!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: RAW RECAPPING
FOR DUMMIES~! (10/02/07). Sean Carless
returns this week with a special look at RAW from
his deranged perspective with a full dose of
unbridled ridiculousness! Triple H does a job to
the guy who passes him the salt every Sunday night
at dinner! Cody Rhodes is fed to the Rookie
Monster! And Randy Orton finds Super Cena's
Kryptonite! All this, plus much more! Click HERE
to read
Sean's insane RAW ramblings!
RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2007!
(10/07/07) On the account of no visible PPV Rant
coming in that month, Sean Carless pulled himself
from his stupor to pull us through with a No Mercy
Halfcapitation or, "HOW I GOT REALLY DRUNK AND
LEARNED TO TOLERATE A TRIPLE H EGO FUCK". It was
the greatest night in the history of the sport!...
so long as your last name was umm,
Hearst-Helmsley? That's right, in one
night, Triple H made up for missing the previous 8
months by pinning everyone and everything in his
path! Plus The dreaded Punjabi Prison returned!
You know, India's high security Roofless Prison
system? All this, plus much more! Click HERE to
read Sean's Recapitation
Halfcapitation!
TWF SOUR
25! (10/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's
"Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom
25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or
the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic
TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this
particular week, and why? Click HERE to
read!
RECAPITATION: CYBER SUNDAY
2007 (10/28/07) It's Cyber Sunday! The PPV
that only sounds like a late night online
encounter with an alleged woman. But at least,
during that, there's a chance you might actually
get what you want. Ahem. On this night, we, the
FANS had our voices heard! Unless that voice was
saying "We want Jericho". They didn't hear that.
Oh well. But what we did get was HBK shaking off
3000 chinlocks to win his match against Randy
Orton...by disqualification. Because let's
face it, clean finishes on paid shows are silly.
Triple H took it to the streets... in his
underwear! And an Animal survived its trip to the
Pet Cemetery! Sean has all your coverage and
insane observations as only a night of copious
alcoholic self-abuse can provide! Click
HERE to read
Sean's full insane Recapitation!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: THIS JUST IN:
SAVE_US_BKR.T?: (11/09/07) Following
WWE's SaveUs_222 , TNA has started their
own viral marketing campaign. But just who is
it that's coming to TNA, Sucka? It's a real
heads-cratcher, if you can dig that. Join Sean
Carless as he attempts to umm, solve this mystery
and uncover the identity, uncover the identity,
uncover the identity, uncover the identity,
uncover the identity and uncover the identity of
TNA's newest signee. Click
HERE to read.
No neckbones were on in the making of this
expose.
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
(12/08/07): Obscenely Huge
Year-End 2007 Edition! Featuring: The
Death Of Superman, The Death Of A Guy Who Never
Existed! People We Wish Never Existed! The Rise
And Fall And Fall And Fall And Fall of ECW! The
Return Of Conan The Midcard Destroyer! The Plight
Of Made In The ICU Lex Luger! Y2J saves Us From
Everything But North Carolina Apathy! Vince
McMahon Blows Up, Stitches Himself Back Together,
Then Apparently Puts Wile E. Coyote In Charge Of
Creative! All This, Plus Bonus Items For the Xmas
Season, And Mick Foley Starring In: "I AM HARDCORE
LEGEND". Click HERE To
Read!
SATIRE: THE
NIGHT BEFORE CHHHRISTMAS!:
(12/24/07) A Special
Christmas Gift on Christmas Eve, From Me To
You, To HHH to the 4 tag teams pinned under
his heaving body. Click
HERE
To Read!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:
SPECIAL FEATURE: PYRO & BALLYHOO~!: A Proper
Gentleman's Guide To TN Of A. (01/10/08) By
now, most of us are familiar with the TNA Impact
script leaked onto the internet, and the
subsequent hilarious coining in said script of the
expression "PYRO & BALLYHOO". Join guest TNA
Recapper, Rupert Cuthbertson-Smythe, who much like
the expression ballyhoo, comes to us straight from
the 1800's, for his very special one-time only
recap of last Thursday's Impact! Click HERE to read TNA Ye
Olde English-style~!
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK REVIEW: ECW: WITH
ENOUGH VELOCITY, YOU CAN CREATE HEAT. (01/16/08) Join Sean Carless
as he ventures to the Land of the extreme. Which
extreme? Take your pick: Boredom? Apathy? Both?
Maybe. Plus, the first ever meeting of CM Punk vs.
Chavo Guerrero!...this week.
Plus, the potential racial powder-keg in a
Armando/Heyman confrontation, And a plea to
Fans of new ECW! Both of you! Click HERE to
read!
VAULT
RECAPITATION: BLACK SATURDAY! (01/28/08)
Join Sean as he looks back to July 14, 1984 and
the *first-time* Vince McMahon and his horrible
houndstooth jacket invaded World Championship
Wrestling! Are you ready for some kick ass action
and incredible wrestling? Well, you better try
elsewhere, bub, unless you're really into ten
minute bear-hugs! All this, plus much more
bear-hugs! Click HERE to
read Sean's review~!
RECAPITATION:
ROYAL RUMBLE 2008 (01/29/08) Join Sean
Carless for another half-capitated spectacle of
stupidity! Superman Returns! Jeff Hardy is pinned
by a Glass Ceiling! Chris Jericho puts JBL in
bondage, and somewhere Billy Silverman is smiling!
You know, before remembering he's still
unemployed. Plus, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka
carry on their feud into the new millennium! No
coconuts were harmed, but a bowl of prunes may
have been consumed! All this, plus much more!
Click HERE to read Sean's moronic
rambling on all things RUMBLE.
WWE.COM
PARODY: WWE CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY
MONTH!: (02/02/08) The following
section on WWE.com was
just created. And well, Wow. So with WWE obviously
not seeing that a few of these stereotyped
characters aren't exactly something that should be
celebrated, I just had to parody it, right? RIGHT?
(This is the part where you agree with
me). Click HERE to
read!
VIDEO SATIRE: THE
HAUNTING 2: OWEN A LIVING! (02/09/08)
News outlets have picked up the story that OWEN
HART is apparently haunting Kemper Arena, so I
just *had* to hammer bad taste home and create a
truly absurd parody, right? Right? (This is the
part where you agree with me.). The following is a
VIDEO PARODY, but reads like a standard TWF
satire. It's done so in video format to allow for
the truly huge animation files contained within,
and for music. Click HERE to
watch/read~!
HHH: THE FINAL
VERDICT: (02/18/08) On a bet, I made a
decree to never again make light of Triple H in
ANY capacity, provided that WWE somehow, someway
ultimately kept him out of Wrestlemania's Main
Event for just ONE YEAR. I then vowed to "retire"
in the event I slipped up. And really
Retire. No Piper retire. Or Foley
retire. Or Terry Funk retire. Or hell, any
fucking Wrestling retirement. But it was all
moot, because we now all know-uh how-uh
that-uh turned-uh out-uh. This was my
stupid VIDEO response. Click HERE for
more!
"WWE TAGLINE
POLL" (02/21/08) That's right, I've
added several new submissions of my own to
our parody of WWE's actual (really terrible)
tagline survey, in addition to adding my
*personal favorite* reader submissions as well.
Click HERE to see and
contribute to the "poll"!
VAULT
RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 2! (03/14/08)
We're on to the Road To Wrestlemania, so why not
take a quick roadside piss break and jouney back
to Wrestlemania 2! A card so terrible, it
had to forced on three separate cities just to
lessen the blow! And a night, where if the family
of the dude in Nick Hogan's car has their way
again, sees HULK HOGAN BEHIND BARS. All this, plus
much more! Click HERE to read the
Recapitation!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: THIS JUST IN: IT'S A HARDY KNOCK LIFE
FOR ME. (03/16/08) Poor Jeff Hardy's home
burned to the ground. The smell of some 300 mesh
shirts was said to permeate the air. But what
happened? How did the blaze start? I may have
found some answers. Or made tasteless jokes. Or
both! Click HERE to read and
watch!
SATIRE: TNA
STRAIGHT TO DVD RENTALS~!: (03/21/08)
Because, WWE isn't the only company capable of
producing completely shitty movies starring
wrestlers! From Jay Lethal breaking the spirit of
women by keeping them locked away (Hey, just like
the real Randy Savage!) to Curry Man on a
murderous rampage throughout South Texas, I have
all your bases covered and more! Click HERE to read!
TWF RADIO
returns! (04/01/08) Recorded last Sunday
night after Wrestlemania, It's Episode 4: A NEW
HOPELESSNESS~! Featuring, Sean
Carless, a shitty 2 dollar Radio Shack mic, a
chemically-induced laid back disposition, and Full
Wrestlemania 24 coverage! From Super Cena's new
Kryptonite, to HBK taking Old Yeller behind the
barn and kicking him into Euthanasia, to God
secretly being a member of the IWC, Sean has all
your Rasslemania bases covered! Plus, Ric
Flair-inspired drops and congratulatory, umm,
congratulations to TWF for 5 full Years of
Tastelessness! Click HERE to access the
live streaming link!
TWF SAYS GOODBYE: (04/05/08)
With all the outpouring of genuine emotion for the
last match of a true WWE legend, we here at TWF do
OUR part, and pay video tribute to the man who's
WWE career is now seemingly over. Click HERE to watch our emotional video
tribute.
SATIRE: WWE
KIDS PREVIEW! (04/25/08) WWE has a brand
new business model: Market exclusively towards
children! And they've even started a new website
in an effort to hook new pre-teen viewers!
This is TWF's interpretation of that Website! From
Jerry Lawler's illegal Diva Search to Story-time
with Kane to John Cena teaching your children how
to shit and then create comedy from the waste,
it's all covered here and more! Click HERE to
read!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: WRESTLING IN A NUTSHELL: THE
MEXICOOLS! (05/01/08) A brand new
feature, packed full of INSANFORMATION!
"Wrestling in a Nutshell" is just that, a quick
& dirty look at a past wrestler or angle that
you may have forgotten, or maybe never wanted
to remember again! This week's topic: THE
MEXICOOLS. Vince McMahon had already parodied and
racially-stereotyped every race, color and creed
before, so how why not some wrestling
gardeners? I mean, clearly that's the only
occupation in Mexico, right? Click HERE to
read!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK: THE RAW DIARIES~!: SEAN CARLESS'S
INSANE 3 WEEK LOOK AT MILLION DOLLAR MANIA!
(06/23/08) For three weeks, our fearless
leader has kept detailed notes on the "rousing
success" that was RAW & Million Dollar Mania.
You know, the only game show on TV where you're
guaranteed to see the host crushed by giant
electronic equipment. But tread lightly, my
friends, for unbridled insanity awaits you! You
may never be the same again. Click HERE to
read!
TWF SOUR 25! (09/23/08)
Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25
ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders,
blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate
of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked
in at number one this particular week, and
why? Click HERE to
read!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK RECAPITATION: HULK HOGAN'S CELEBRITY
CHAMPIONSHIP
WRESTLING~! (10/24/08) Ten
Celebrities all vie for the honor and
prestige of being named first ever CCW
CHAMPION. A belt, that sooner or later will end up
around Hulk's waist, just because! That's
how these things usually work. So, join
me, Sean Carless, as I broke down the very first
episode and give analysis as only I can
(can't?), and walk you through the celebs
first day on the job. Drop a leg out there
guys! Click HERE to
read!
BACK-LEG
FRONTKICK PRESENTS: JOEY STYLES'
PUNCH-OUT~! (12/12/08) Just in time for the
Christmas season! Drop it in your stocking...right
after you drop a 300 pound Investment
Banker! It's Joey Styles Punch-out! --
The only thing more embarrassing than
being knocked out by the Subway Guy! Click HERE to view the trailer!
AND NOW FOR
SOMETHING STUPID~!: BENNY HHHILL!
(VIDEO)
(02/25/08) Even in fast motion,
Trips moves at the speed of a Tectonic plate.
Click HERE to View this quick & dirty
Stupidity!
AND NOW FOR
SOMETHING STUPID~!: THE KOZLOV SHOW!
(VIDEO)
(03/28/09) In Soviet Russia,
Kozlov Show taped in front of Studio Audience.
Ever wonder what would happen if The Moscow Mauler
replaced Bill Cosby in a 1980's Sitcom?
What? I'm the only one? Click HERE to View this quick & dirty
Stupidity!
WRESTLECRAP INDUCTION: LATINO SEED:
THE AMAZING TRUE STORY OF DOMINICK MYSTERIO
GUERRERO! (05/01/09) My contribution to the
vaunted & revered and fabricated Wrestling
themed Latino celebration of STINKO DE MAYO!
My effort?: Wrestling's first & only
rivalry where two men vied to be the first one to
scale a ladder and thus legally win ownership of a
small child! (Somewhere out there, Michael
Jackson is no doubt learning how to take
bumps!). Click HERE to read!
THE LOST LINDA MCMAHON
FOR U.S. SENATE AD~! (09/30/09) The
following, umm, political ad is paid for by Linda
McMahon and sponsor. Linda McMahon: Today the
Senate. Tomorrow the World. Click
HERE to
view!
WRESTLING WITH MANIA. OR
HOW SEAN CARLESS STAVED OFF TOXIC ALCOHOL
POISONING FOR FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS TO GIVE YOU THE
WORST RECAP IN HISTORY. (03/29/10) That's
right, YOUR WRESTLEMANIA 26 QUICK, DIRTY
& COMPLETELY DISGUSTING! Click
HERE to read
the most un-detailed, lackluster Recapitation in
history of a fantastic show that deserved so much
better!
